It's a bubbly life ^~^


October 2015

The alibi of an antisocial teenage girl 

“They think you’re crazy they think you’re weird 

they call you stupid worthless tell you you’re not worth it 

 and now you’re walking back to a place you call home 

but you feel so alone” 

Song lyrics are beautiful things. That is all. What a momentous occasion I’m posting *snoopy happy dance* 

Anyways, so today at school my friend peach and hmmm..I have to come up with a name cause new friend…hmmm…my friend peach and my friend tomato (cause it’s a fruit which is weird and she’s weird but it’s awesome) 

So peach and tomato were asking what I was doing for Halloween and stuff and I was like uh idk…then they basically said aye you’re coming with us and I was like well I guess ok so I haz plans I guess. 

I should be happy…but I’m not…I always get invited to things then make up some excuse like I can’t go and stay home and watch stuff all day…I don’t know why I do that to myself it makes me depressed being alone so I should really be out with friends but yet I can’t make myself do it….argh…

I’m so antisocial. 

Am I the only one who secludes myself like this? 

Welp not the only time I’ve done it either I do it a lot :p 


“Living in the present moment” 

People always tell you to live in the present moment if you’re depressed but the thing is they don’t realize the present moment sucks…

It sucks so much…the numbness the coldness…and yes maybe you’re living in the past thinking about past experiences but in the present moment…you’re alone…and the thoughts enter your head…you can yell at yourself to stop being a depressed loser but it doesn’t help..

It doesn’t make it go away…this awful feeling of numbness but yet complete and utter pain…is there…

You try to be good to yourself to love yourself but…you feel like trash…complete trash…you are a mess…but nobody sees that

They think you’re happy because you have become the perfect actor you see…

Liebster award 

ok, so I’ve done this award a few times now but I decided to do it cause strawberry ❤ 

So thanks for le nomination kiddo or I guess you’re an adult being 18 and all old man *poke* 

Anyways, the questions he asks are: 

 What’s your favorite band /artist and whyyy?

Well strawberry…my favorite band…omg I’ve always always loved secondhand serenade but lately falling in reverse has taken over my life. They’re my favorite because their songs are upbeat with meaningful lyrics and the lyrics really speak to me “if we’re all born to die and we all die to live then what’s the point in living life if it just contradicts”- falling in reverse 

Need I say more? 

What’s your favorite (not favourite cause I’m American) form of social media? 

Hmm……wellllllllll….considering I don’t really care about socializing cause I’m usually a potato in my room I don’t have one ^•^ 

Where did you go on vacation that made you feel all amazing and like constantly want to go back? 

Ive been to lots of states…hmmm I guess my favorite place though is Michigan because my cousins who live there are pretty spiffy I plunged into ice cold Lake Superior and even dunked *gasp* we go there every year and it just makes me so happy because my cousins are just the bomb you don’t even know. 

On a scale of 1-100 how lazy are you? 100 being a complete potato 

I would like to lie and say like 33 but we all know I’m more of an 85 at the least… XD 

Do you watch anime…if so what’s your favorite anime? If not what’s your favorite tv show? 

Yes I do watch anime…my favorite ongoing is fairy tail *poke* that’s how we met strawberry. My favorite finished series is…dang…forgot the name…I never remember anime names…oh wellllllll 

Would you consider yourself an artsy person? 

Pfffft. Do I even have to answer this question. Fuck yes I am so artz. 

In a zombie apocalypse what would be your weapon of choice? 

Strawberry be my weapon. 

Favorite thing about your best friend? 

I like how completely selfless my best friend is :3 

Favorite animal? 

Panda ermahgud ❤ just pandas all the way 

Do you have any major fears? 

Thunder and….losing everyone I love :3 

What’s something on your bucket list? 

To kiss a certain someone *wink wink nudge nudge* (I almost typed just wink wink and it didn’t feel righttttttt) 

Oh and um I don’t like nominating people so I won’t 

Tell me if you actually read this in the comments ❤ 

routine and fears

have you ever just felt completely and utterly bored with life?

like…ok let me explain?

what I mean is the same things happen every single day not that it’ s bad things but its just so routine?

I’m not really complaining because I quite like my routine but I feel like I get stuck in it sometimes and am afraid to try new things, you know what I mean?

also there are some things I just can’t do because of traumatic experiences and a horrid childhood which is still happening on occassion

For example, about a year ago I stayed after school and used my friend Peach’s phone to call home for a ride…no one showed up so I thought it best to take the bus home…My dad broke things and yelled at me because he waited around for me but I wasn’t there…the thing is what was I supposed to do!? No one was showing up and everyone was leaving, I waited for  an hour and a half in the cold nonetheless….Did he want me to wait there when it seemed as though no one was coming? He yelled at me and called me “useless” and “stupid”

So now I’m scared to stay after school because of that experience…I’m afraid to do a lot of normal activities because of my parents and other people…

I’m scared to go in some stores because my mom yelled at me in them…sometimes I’m scared to even go shopping in the first place…but usually I get over it and go anyways because I love clothes and fashion.

there are lots of stupid things I’m scared of the one that is always there is the fear of thunder…because I ran out into a storm and got really sick from it. I ran out into the storm because my brother hit me and I didn’t want anyone to see me crying….

Do you have any fears that don’t seem to make sense?

hi guys I miss you :)

I miss you all so much but I figured it would be wise not to blog whilst I am all whiny and depressed and stuff =^.^=

basically what happened is…I broke my glasses in all my grace by stepping on them ( I only wear them so I am able to read the board at school otherwise screw em) So of course I went to have my eyes examined so I could get new ones…The lady helping saw my arm…for those who have been reading for awhile you may know I used to cut…I still have some scars but I’m a month or two clean now…but she just looked at my arm disgusted…

I felt sick…..I felt really sick but I just smiled and told her my kitten did it…she probably didn’t believe me but I’m so ashamed of the scars I have to lie about them…It just happens like word vomit I come up with some sort of an excuse…It’s impulse…the judgemental eyes that see my scars scare me…they scare me a lot

I’m so sorry I haven’t blogged but…I do miss you all so much and you guys are always there to read my stupid rants XD

love you all

stay strong…


How can you tell someone what makes them depressed you’re not them. 

The title should explain a bit but basically I was snapchatting my cousin and I told her I don’t go to church anymore cause it made me very depressed I ended up in the hospital for cutting it was a very dark time maybe an all time low for me because I was being psychologically abused. 

Then she responds with 

“I doubt that’s what made you depressed” 

I said, “you can’t tell me what made me depressed for years and still depresses me” 

She just sarcastically responded with “alright then” I could tell she didn’t believe me. 

Then I talked to a close girl friend of mine and she was like everyone’s entitled to their opinion she actually sided with my cousin. 

I know everyone has a right to believe what they want to I’m blonde but I’m not stupid gosh…

But to tell someone what makes them depressed doesn’t make them depressed would be like for example 

You telling me your favorite song then me being like “uh no actually you like Phoenix by fall out boy” 

Am I just being selfish or do I actually have a point…? 

I think I know what makes me depressed I think I’m at least capable of that much *sigh* 

I’m sorry guys this has been giving me a headache for days now 

I just don’t think it’s morally right to treat someone how she has been treating me ever since I stopped going to church. I’m her cousin got christs sake…and also most of my church friends are still friends with me so…like what’s her problem? 

I want your opinions on the matter if you disagree with me that’s ok I’m mature I can handle it but give me a good reason why you disagree it better be backed up please I really want honest opinions don’t sugarcoat it 

Welp bye 

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