have you ever just felt completely and utterly bored with life?

like…ok let me explain?

what I mean is the same things happen every single day not that it’ s bad things but its just so routine?

I’m not really complaining because I quite like my routine but I feel like I get stuck in it sometimes and am afraid to try new things, you know what I mean?

also there are some things I just can’t do because of traumatic experiences and a horrid childhood which is still happening on occassion

For example, about a year ago I stayed after school and used my friend Peach’s phone to call home for a ride…no one showed up so I thought it best to take the bus home…My dad broke things and yelled at me because he waited around for me but I wasn’t there…the thing is what was I supposed to do!? No one was showing up and everyone was leaving, I waited for  an hour and a half in the cold nonetheless….Did he want me to wait there when it seemed as though no one was coming? He yelled at me and called me “useless” and “stupid”

So now I’m scared to stay after school because of that experience…I’m afraid to do a lot of normal activities because of my parents and other people…

I’m scared to go in some stores because my mom yelled at me in them…sometimes I’m scared to even go shopping in the first place…but usually I get over it and go anyways because I love clothes and fashion.

there are lots of stupid things I’m scared of the one that is always there is the fear of thunder…because I ran out into a storm and got really sick from it. I ran out into the storm because my brother hit me and I didn’t want anyone to see me crying….

Do you have any fears that don’t seem to make sense?