Hey, me again what a surprise right? I’ll spare you the part where I say I want to blog more cause you all already know that. 

Anyways I have come to realize that I am an awful human being which shouldn’t be that big of a surprise but it hurts. Why is it that I want to throw my life away when my brothers fiancé fought to keep living? (She had cancer)All these people are fighting for their life’s and I just am ready to throw mine away because I’m so depressed. 

Sometimes I don’t even know why and other times it’s a combination of things. I still have my exes note he wrote to me I don’t know why but I cannot bring myself to throw it away I kind of want to burn it. Also lately I don’t have any friends none of my friends have been talking to me but at the same time it’s like I cannot even blame them because I am a mess. 

Also I am so sick of feeling worthless. I feel like I have to do sexual stuff to get approval and it’s like I don’t even want to do sexual stuff and all these stupid fuckbois keep messing with me even though they know I’m in a monogamous relationship like that’s one person just one. Not throwing shade on open relationships but that’s just not my style and people need to respect that you know? I feel so violated sometimes. 

Very important questions now: 

– Do you ever feel like if you weren’t somewhat attractive you would be worthless? 

-any suggestions to keep my mind off of things? 

Oh also my boyfriend snapped at me he yelled and said I never tell him anything which is true. I don’t because my last relationship I told him everything and he laughed at me he called me pathetic and made me feel like shit 37 cuts up and down my arms and legs( I am 2 months clean now so ssssh). It’s like this guy is different and he’s not judgmental like that but I’m too terrified to ever tell him anything that’s wrong. Everything just bottles up and it’s an endless inevitable hole. 

Welp, bye.