“A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets”- Killian Jones

If someone really cared about you they wouldn’t just leave they would try to fix things, wouldn’t they? I think that’s how it should be. I don’t think we should abandon people if we truly care about them. We should help them work through their problems, shouldn’t we? If so then why if he cared about me, would he abandon me? A million question swirl around in my head. Five months of complete lies and “love” I guess I really didn’t know him at all. I feel so bitter over it all still.

Although on the plus side I did not let the end of things ruin every aspect of my life again. Last time it happened to me I got very depressed and thought nobody could ever want somebody like me which is why I got dumped. In reality it wasn’t my fault at all. I met that significant other at the wrong time in his life, he was an alcoholic and smoked a lot. That’s not healthy to be in a relationship with someone who loves the drinks more than you. Their priorities aren’t straight, they are dependent on whatever they’re abusing. Recently I unblocked this ex and started talking to him again. He got his shit together and I’m glad we are friends again and that he isn’t relient on such things anymore. I think that’s amazing and he is understanding of all of the things I am going through. Sometimes it’s a case of right place, wrong time. It’s that simple. You meet people at a rough patch in their life and you cannot judge them for that, we all have rough patches.

I guess I’m not happy with the way things ended with recent ex, but it’s not my fault and so I do not have to feel guilty about it. Last time I beat myself up over it for months and felt so bad. I didn’t eat that much, I had no lack of sleep though. I slept as soon as I got home from school for hours. Pretty damn unhealthy. I feel like this time around I coped with getting dumped much better. Most likely also because it really isn’t my fault that he doesn’t believe me. That’s his issue. I feel like this time around I let people help me rather than bottling it all up like I did last time. I didn’t lie about things and say that they’re fine.

This time around I had drawing, work, and my friends to help distract me a lot. Also drowned myself back into the immersive world of final fantasy X. Only the best video game love story of all time. It’s so beautiful. Sorry not sorry. Also the new final fantasy game came out and I don’t even have it what the actual heck.

I feel like this is the most I’ve put into a post in awhile. Which um like hello it’s me guys! I am alive and breathing and listening to music in chemistry class. Just finished failing my test :’) so that is no Bueno. I have work tonight and have to get up early tomorrow to go to the mall with friends I have not seen in months which is pretty sick. I found out one of my friends has all these issues I didn’t know about. I told her my story and she told me hers. It was a really beautiful exchange if you ask me.  It’s rare that I tell my entire life story to people. I trust her. That’s pretty rare nowadays for me to trust people. I mean I just got stabbed in the back by one of my closest “friends” what a bitch.

I hope you all are doing well, I hope somebody tells you they love you today, I hope you eat delicious Chinese food.

Welp, bye.