“Hurtful words from my enemies of the last 5 years what’s it like to die alone? How does it feel when tears freeze as you cry? The blood in your viens is 20 below!!!”
Last night we were doing stuff and he told me to talk dirty to him, I freaked out because that was always something my ex wanted me to do and when I didn’t he would scream at me. I got extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t tell him no I didn’t explain and so we carried on and finished. When we were done I started crying and then he freaked out, “was that too much? It was too much wasn’t it baby, I’m sorry” and then he started crying because he thought he did something wrong he thought it was all his fault when in reality it was practically all mine.
He wouldn’t stop crying so I started singing to him, “Please forgive me if I seem forward but I’ve never been in front of anything like you it’s the last place I ever thought I’d be when I woke up this morning, and is it true, and that you’re always this breathtaking and you’re smart and you’re willing my god this is killing me.”
“Tell me all the things you’ve never said we can lay here and talk for hours in my bed I don’t have anything to hide, I don’t have anything everything is not for certain. ”
It calmed him down enough where I could explain everything, tell him all about the five months of twisted manipulation I had endured. About how my sexual likes were used against me and how it was always all about him. It was never once about me and when I got down I had something wrong with me and I was “emotionally abusive and messed up” and about everything. He said sorry, he said he should’ve been there when I needed him and that he should’ve tried to console me more when I came crying to him about how all my boyfriend wanted was sexual stuff, how every single fucking time I was with him he made it sexual and how he convinced me into doing so many things I never wanted to do. How he would mess something up really bad then send long rants to make up for his shitty attitude the majority of the time.
I don’t know what else there is, I know there’s so much more but that’s all I have right now.