I never thought I would see the day where I lost my best friend in this messed up world, but I did. He doesn’t want to be associated with me I guess. With a person who smokes, a person who messes around with older men. I can’t even be mad, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. I’m self centered, I’m really shitty at giving advice, I’m inconsiderate most of the time. What was I thinking you know…that sleeping with this guy would make me feel better about myself? Yet I feel no regret for doing it, it was risky and stupid to sneak out at two in the morning and not come home till like four, and yet it was one of my most favorite nights.

He said I’m morally wrong for messing around with a man and the age gap isn’t appropriate in his opinion I guess. I used to really value his opinion but I guess one day  I just stopped caring about it, about any of it. I threw away everything for materialistic things, cigarettes and sex. Then again what’s so wrong with smoking? Some people may not like it but I actually have the right to make my own decisions even if they’re retarded. People can try to stop my decisions but ultimately it’s all on me. All my mistakes and the people I hurt that’s my fault.

So sorry I wasn’t good enough or someone to be associated with and you guys, the people who are reading this probably think I’m just as idiotic. Actually it’s more idiotic to assume I know what goes through your heads or anybody’s especially my best friends. To be continued…

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