It would be around midnight..a clear night with all the stars out..it’s cold and smells like cigarettes. 

I’ve said all my goodbyes, nobody did anything significant enough to stop what’s about about to happen…a song is playing as I drink the isopropyl…

How Far we’ve come by matchbox 20 because it’s important to me…I hope I gave enough closure as to why I’m about to do what I’m about to do. I would probably be smoking…my throat would burn..I’d probably be coughing loudly..so all of it would have to happen away from anybody who could stop me. 

I want to look decent when I die…so I would probably be dressed up nicely so when they found my body…I don’t know, but I would look good. I’m selfish.

My body would probably be covered in cuts from myself because that’s how it is rn..it’s covered from head to toe in little cuts. 

My playlist would be as follows: 

-how Far we’ve come by matchbox 20 

-Find a way by safetysuit 

-last song ever by secondhand serenade 

-you and me by lifehouse 

-going to california by Led Zeppelin 

-Your guardian angel by red jumpsuit apparatus 

-Ticking bomb by Aloe Blacc

It would be at nighttime because no one would be up. Everytime I have tried to kill myself it was in the middle of the night because that way no one can stop me. No one can respond to the long loving messages I have left them as my last goodbye. It’s improper that, that is their last message from me. Me explaining how I am weak and unable to handle anything anymore. How nothing has any meaning anymore…how it’s all so pointless. How there’s only one person I care about and it doesn’t matter because spoiler alert I pushed them away too. Find someone better, find someone stronger. There isn’t anybody able to handle me. I’m a self destructive mess and the whole world would be better off if I finally exploded. 

People would be sad for awhile. Then it would be fine. Forgotten just like every other person who’s taken their own life. 

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