I feel like wave after wave of anxiety is washing over me lately. I’ve had to lie so much. I feel half alive, but mostly dead. I hate it so fucking much. I hate doing it, but I keep doing it. If I don’t do it I can’t see him and I am attached to him…

I feel like I’m screaming into the void, but it doesn’t even matter because the thing is nobody gives a shit about me. Nobody cares.  I have no real friends at this point in my life. Things just keep getting worse and worse…I haven’t had my period this month. I could potentially be pregnant so that’s fucking fantastic. That would just be the fucking cherry on the sundae wouldn’t it. I’m sixteen I can’t be pregnant. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. If I am, my life is gonna be like 20 times worse. My parents are gonna dislike me more, I’ll have to do it all on my own whether that’s an abortion or keeping it. All I know is I better not be. I hope it’s just late I mean that happens sometimes when you get fucked.

I have been continually down and did the responsible thing and asked to be put back on antidepressants, but I was ignored. Thanks a lot mom.

Just fuck my life.

Everything is too much.

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