To whoevers reading this, or to the usual 3 people I get who check up on my posts. At least I know someone out there cares enough to read all this mess or it could possibly be that you are just endlessly entertained by how dramatic and stupid I am. I don’t know. Either way, you are here. That’s pretty cool.

To be honest I really have no direction for where my life is going I sort of ended up throwing that all away when I started getting “lit” as the kids call it nowadays on the weekends, like every weekend. I have no goals or aspirations. I instead have addictions and misery.

Things that are pretty crappy right now:

  • failing classes
  • I’m addicted to smoking again
  • romance life is subpar
  • compulsive thoughts
  • I’m a liar
  • no close friends that I feel close enough to talk about my issues with. Which believe you me, there are so many.
  • I’m not watching being human…like I wanna know what happens next.
  • Had a panic attack for the first time at school this year

things that are relatively ok:

  • being human
  • drawing again
  • work is a thing
  • found out yesterday when I had the panic attack that people do care about me or at least someone does.
  • Catching up ok
  • My dom really does care about me, said he wants to know the real me even if the real me is depressed and anxious a lot of the time. I adore that.
  • He takes really good care of me
  • reestablished friendships
  • not alone all the time anymore
  • I got my period today so I’m not pregnant thank Jesus Christ. (I wrote this post awhile back when I was freaking out).