To whoevers reading this, or to the usual 3 people I get who check up on my posts. At least I know someone out there cares enough to read all this mess or it could possibly be that you are just endlessly entertained by how dramatic and stupid I am. I don’t know. Either way, you are here. That’s pretty cool.
To be honest I really have no direction for where my life is going I sort of ended up throwing that all away when I started getting “lit” as the kids call it nowadays on the weekends, like every weekend. I have no goals or aspirations. I instead have addictions and misery.
Things that are pretty crappy right now:
- failing classes
- I’m addicted to smoking again
- romance life is subpar
- compulsive thoughts
- I’m a liar
- no close friends that I feel close enough to talk about my issues with. Which believe you me, there are so many.
- I’m not watching being human…like I wanna know what happens next.
- Had a panic attack for the first time at school this year
things that are relatively ok:
- being human
- drawing again
- work is a thing
- found out yesterday when I had the panic attack that people do care about me or at least someone does.
- Catching up ok
- My dom really does care about me, said he wants to know the real me even if the real me is depressed and anxious a lot of the time. I adore that.
- He takes really good care of me
- reestablished friendships
- not alone all the time anymore
- I got my period today so I’m not pregnant thank Jesus Christ. (I wrote this post awhile back when I was freaking out).