It was Wednesday night first day of spring break. I told him I hurt myself and he flipped out on me. I apologized, but he wouldn’t shut up about how I don’t care about him if I’m hurting myself. That’s not even how it works? When you’re having a panic attack you don’t just think of someone and it’s all better. He said some extremely harsh things to me and made me feel small and useless. 

My coworker who I’ve become close to talked me down along with some other friends. The next day (Thursday) I went out to lunch with a guy I’ve been talking to for awhile because I was angry at him for making me feel so useless and depressed and blaming me for everything. While I’m sitting across the table from this guy he snapchats me,”I’m sorry I love you hunnie.” I don’t even flinch, “I love you too.” 

He acts like it never happened and like he never said the things he said to me about me. Now he’s back to saying he misses me and he loves me. It’s fucking confusing and it hurts my head, but I’m not the same around him anymore. It’s hard to be after he hurt me like that….maybe I’m just being sensitive. I don’t think I am if something hurts you it hurts you and I can’t help it. 

I have been busy working six hour shifts for days in a row. So I haven’t had time to really think about it all. What I’m going to do if anything. Also on Friday my coworker got me a really pretty black dress. I love it so much. 

Love you guys stay strong. I am.