You sat across from me with your coffee mug
Black with no sugar.
I glanced out the window watching the snowfall
And Madelyn sledding down the hill.
In her innocence I saw us
You making hot cocoa with the carefullest delicacy
After us sledding in -20 degree temperature.
You building a snow fort
Crowning me princess of the castle.
Christmas music plays fuzzily in the background.
I watch you look dully at your phone
While mom asks how college is.
It takes me back to when you sang me Christmas hymns
In a Mickey Mouse voice.
Mom leaves us alone
And almost immediately your face turns cold
You insist that mom forced us
kicking and screaming into this existence.
That every day is a struggle to breathe.
I stare at your body posture
Your hands are wrapped so tightly around the mug that it might break.
You are a cold engineer fixing capitalism now
Making small talk about the bourgeoisie.