The day started out well. My parents were gone on a trip to Michigan which made me very happy. I could do as I pleased and saw fit. I saw the new pirates of the Caribbean movie. It was amazing I’ll have you know. Tied for first place with the first one for sure. I got out of the movie and turned my phone back on and there’s a text and a missed call. Get home and she starts screaming at me and mocking me about my cigarettes she found from rifling through my dresser. I proceeded to yell at her that she should’ve stayed in Michigan cause I don’t want her here.
1 a.m. He comes to get me in his red car. We drive into the night and I talk to him in a raspy voice because it feels like there’s a golf ball lodged in there. I tell him things like I replaced cutting with smoking and the point was to hurt myself and my health. I feel more calm. We cruise around for a little bit. We end up in a church parking lot. I hate religion because of my parents and upbringing. He gently grabs my hands and pulls me out of the passenger seat into the night. His hands are all over my body and the stress goes away. He opens the back door and I bend over obediently. It’s a literal fuck you to “god.”
“Fuck me like a dirty little whore daddy,” I whined. He pulls my red hair and I feel lost in the moment. My phone is sitting in the passenger seat.
“Baby?” The screen lit up. I feel no sense of guilt. You’re insane and you hurt me. I don’t want you to touch me ever again, but you had to come into my work and harass me and now you’re ruining my euphoria. Earlier I had said I would start taking care of myself and that sleeping around didn’t help, but it felt so good with him. It felt right. It doesn’t feel right with you anymore. It never felt right. I never felt safe and was always afraid you would hurt me. You did hurt me, I wasn’t wrong.