As depressing as it is I never saw myself living past 12th grade in the past. I was too depressed and had too much suicidal ideation. Which carried again into this year. This year has been a cluster fuck, but It’s february it’s the second half of my last year of high school. I developed cyclic vomiting syndrome from bottling things up too much. It started probably in August and got worse in September after my brother killed himself.

Things have been better though. It’s been ok. In june I have plans to move into an apartment with my boyfriend which is insane. Looking back I mean I’ve come so far i’ve been clean from self harm for several months and I feel good about it.

Here’s a chill vibes list of songs I made up because I wanted to? I don’t know man.

  • Island in the sun- Weezer
  • Harlem- New politics
  • Wish you were here- Pink Floyd
  • straightjacket-mac miller (i think don’t quote me)

My manager gave me a raise because she’s afraid that I’m going to quit. I think that’s hilarious to be completely honest. I’m not that valuable of an employee and am rather lazy, but I guess you do you boo. I am alive. As suspicious as it is that I disappear for several months at a time it’s all good.

-redrum.

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