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littlemissinvisble

It's a bubbly life ^~^

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drama

Something pretty great happened 

I reached out to my siblings in hopes that they would talk to Connie about putting me back on antidepressants because she in unreasonable and doesn’t listen to me. I was scared to even reach out to them, but it was necessary…

The thing is brothers doctor said usually with mental issues you can prescribe similar medicine to siblings. So herego my older brother has depression and I can be put on whatever he is taking. I don’t know if it will work, but a month trial should tell. I look forward with hope, because it’s up to me to start doing what’s best for me even if it takes negotiating with the lady who gave birth to me. 

Counseling has never helped because I have no solid reason to be depressed. I just am for no reason, it also turns out the more kids you have the more likeliehood to have mental illness. I have eight brothers and two sisters. That explain it for you all?

Hopefully, I will not have to rely on music, on people, on trivial things to keep me happy. There is only so much edgy music I can listen to, to help lol. Hopefully I won’t have to focus as hard on it and I will just live my life like a somewhat normal human being. I know this is really overly optimistic, but my hopes are really up there. For my future..I could actually make it past 12th grade…as dark as it is I never saw myself graduating high school. I could have more overall motivation to make it through all of this…

Coincidently it turns out the medicine he takes Wellbutrin also helps ease people out of smoking habits so it’s like a double win! 🙂 

Thank you brother. I love you so much. 

-littlemissinvisible 

This is a start to my story. I apologize the formatting got ruined.

A girl came out of an old house on the streetway. Illuminated by
the streetlights, she walked cautiously and at a fast pace away from the house. Only to come to the top of the street. She waited pacing back and forth.

A worn jeep rolled up to the unpromising street way. She walked across the
main road with urgence. The man in the driver’s seat disappeared from view for a few seconds and the door was opened tentatively. The girl hesitated, but she got in. Bruises were barely conceivable on her forearms and legs. Cigarette smoke swirled around inside the jeep, this was her escape.

He looked at her as he drove.
“Are you sick?” he said.
“Am I sick?” She looked out the window.
“Sick or maybe delusional, why would you think I would be asleep?”
“I don’t know, sometimes nobody’s…”
“Well, I’m always.” He placed his hand over hers.
“I’m…scared.”
“Your arm–”
“Fuck off…” She shifted away from him
“Charlotte…” His hands gripped the steering wheel. He bit his lip.
Charlotte turned her head and shivered nervously looking over her shoulder.
Two beaming headlights trail behind them. Following. Smoke encompassed her; it’s hard to breathe. Yet it wraps around her like a warm linen. The cityscape rose up in the distance.The streets were empty and illuminated as the jeep pulled into the city, out of place.

The jeep pulled up to a wilting hotel in decay. Cars filled the parking lot. The
man got out of the car, worn out black converse tapping on the pavement. He walked around the back of the jeep and stopped for a minute in front of the girls door. He tentatively opened it up and roughly grabbed her wrist, much more harshly than necessary. He tugs her out of the jeep like a small rag doll. She tumbles to the ground, but doesn’t fall. He holds her up carefully, steadying. She swayed back and forth slowly she looked up into his eyes.

“I want to feel something.” She ran her hand over his cheek.
“Or maybe you want to feel nothing.”
“You don’t know anything–”
“What makes you think you know something? You don’t know anything. You’re fucking sixteen, Charlotte.” He yanked her wrist.
“What…”
“You’re naive if you think people actually care about you–”
“They care more than you ever–”
“Shut up.”
“I–”
“Grow up.” He looked at the ground.

***

About a week later, she laid on his bed with minimal clothing on,
shivering underneath the thin blanket. The big t.v. was static in the
background and she did not care to pay it any attention she was far more concerned about where he had gone. She sat curled up in a ball looking down at her hands. They shook violently, tears began streaming down her cheeks.

The door creaked open.
“Hey.”
“Hey Ace,” she looked up at him.
“Do you want a drink?”
“What’ve you got?”
“Liquor, coolers.”
“Ok,” she was visibly shivering.
He left the room and returned a short time later a blue drink in his
hands.
“Right now it’s still cold, it’s going to taste a lot better this way,”
he handed her the glass.

She looked blankly at the glass as he sat down next to her on the bed.
He looked at her expectant, she sat completely still.

He inhaled sharply.
“Have you ever had a drink before?”
“Not an alcoholic one.”
“Well I meant…”
“Is this ok?”
“It’s 15% it’s some pussy ass alcohol compared to what I
usually drink.” He strokes her back.
She took a big drink and almost immediately started coughing.
“Damn that burns..”
“Oh sweetheart we have a ways to go with you.”

Maybe two hours later the drink kicked in Charlotte fell lazily on
top of him. He smiled and held the small girl. He kissed her forehead and pushed her blonde hair out of her face.

“What have I done?”

***

“Charlotte, did you take your medicine?”
“Yes mom.” Charlotte poured the cup of essential oils down the drain.
“I drank it all.”

Charlotte walked up the steps to her room. She locked the door behind her and
lit a candle to mask the scent of her Turkish royal cigarettes. It had been a gift from Ace. He had told Charlotte he didn’t like it when his girl didn’t have what she needed. She smiled down at the cigarettes. The anxiety went away.

A knock on the door. Charlotte slid the box of camels under her blanket.
“Are you going to school today?”
“No, I’m not up to it.”
“Charlotte there are things called truancy laws–”
“I know.”
“You’ve missed so many days…”
“I haven’t missed anything important and my grades are good, what’s the problem?”
“You can’t hide from life forever.”
“You’re such a fucking pushover you let me.”
“I’m trying my best.”

The woman backed out of the room and shut the door. Charlotte
blankly stared at the ceiling. Then she slowly drifted off into a much needed nap. She didn’t see the pack of camels fall onto the floor of her room.

***
Ace looked down at the phone in his hand, nothing. Not a single
notification.Their last conversation Charlotte had been too drunk to comprehend anything he said to her. He glanced at a picture of her smiling, bright blue eyes. She was so fragile looking, while he looked rugged and sturdy. One of their more cheerful days together. He had been hesitant to even take the picture. It could be used as evidence against him. It was their only picture together.

Charlotte had practically disappeared from existence after the night she
slept over at his place. He wondered if he had done something or if she didn’t want to see him anymore. His mind was running rampant.

Sorry guys the formatting got kinda screwed up when I copy and pasted it and I know it’s not the best of course I’ve still got editing to do. Let me know what you think so far. I value your input! -littlemissinvisible

P.s. This is why there has been fewer to no blog posts lately. That and a whole bunch of drama. Enjoy! 

 

And it keeps cursing my name 

Talking to new people can be interesting. I was talking to this guy he said he’d get me Turkish royal cigarettes because he doesn’t like when I don’t have what I need. I said no cause I didn’t want to get him in trouble. Then this guy got mad at me and told me I was ungrateful and that he’s disappointed I won’t let him do things for me. I tried to see it he wanted to go to a movie and volunteered to pay for the tickets and for dinner. He said no because it would make him less of a gentleman if he did that. What is up with you guys and your pride? Like Jesus Christ let me be nice it’s my invitation and shouldn’t the one who invites be the one who pays!? Idk lmao you guys let me know what you think regarding that issue. 

Also on another note one of my friends is leaving for th navy I’m trying to give him a going away present if you know what I mean. We’ll see how that one goes through. The closet hoe has come out to play. 

Work is all time consuming but I really like it a lot more than my last job I guess. 

1-800 Go fuck yourself 

Today at school I was sitting alone reading my book because to be 💯 with you guys I haven’t got anybody to sit with sometimes. Anyways, reading and listening to safetysuit minding my own business when out of nowhere this kid walks over and says, “Can I sit here?” And I said,”Free country.” 

Then he leans over and is like, “Can I get your number?” And then I noticed this group of boys laughing and pointing a phone at me. They were recording the whole thing. I looked at him and said nope then he persisted and said what about your snapchat? And again I said nope. Eventually they all fucked off because I was giving no emotional reaction nor did I show humiliation. 

Then this random guy no idea who he is walks over, “Wow that was pretty fucked up.” Conversation continues. He checked to make sure I was alright which was pretty cool. I just wish I would’ve had the guts to say sure you can have my number it’s 1-800 Go fuck yourself. 

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