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littlemissinvisble

It's a bubbly life ^~^

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Poetry,short story’s, my writing :)

This is the place where I’m going to keep all my posts that include my poetry, short story’s etc.

Today. 

The day started out well. My parents were gone on a trip to Michigan which made me very happy. I could do as I pleased and saw fit. I saw the new pirates of the Caribbean movie. It was amazing I’ll have you know. Tied for first place with the first one for sure. I got out of the movie and turned my phone back on and there’s a text and a missed call. Get home and she starts screaming at me and mocking me about my cigarettes she found from rifling through my dresser. I proceeded to yell at her that she should’ve stayed in Michigan cause I don’t want her here. 

1 a.m. He comes to get me in his red car. We drive into the night and I talk to him in a raspy voice because it feels like there’s a golf ball lodged in there. I tell him things like I replaced cutting with smoking and the point was to hurt myself and my health. I feel more calm. We cruise around for a little bit. We end up in a church parking lot. I hate religion because of my parents and upbringing. He gently grabs my hands and pulls me out of the passenger seat into the night. His hands are all over my body and the stress goes away. He opens the back door and I bend over obediently. It’s a literal fuck you to “god.” 

“Fuck me like a dirty little whore daddy,” I whined. He pulls my red hair and I feel lost in the moment. My phone is sitting in the passenger seat. 

“Baby?” The screen lit up. I feel no sense of guilt. You’re insane and you hurt me. I don’t want you to touch me ever again, but you had to come into my work and harass me and now you’re ruining my euphoria. Earlier I had said I would start taking care of myself and that sleeping around didn’t help, but it felt so good with him. It felt right. It doesn’t feel right with you anymore. It never felt right. I never felt safe and was always afraid you would hurt me. You did hurt me, I wasn’t wrong. 

Zach. 

Zach. 

You sat across from me with your coffee mug 

Black with no sugar. 

I glanced out the window watching the snowfall

And Madelyn sledding down the hill. 
In her innocence I saw us 

You making hot cocoa with the carefullest delicacy 

After us sledding in -20 degree temperature.

You building a snow fort

Crowning me princess of the castle. 
Christmas music plays fuzzily in the background.

I watch you look dully at your phone

While mom asks how college is. 

It takes me back to when you sang me Christmas hymns 

In a Mickey Mouse voice. 
Mom leaves us alone 

And almost immediately your face turns cold

You insist that mom forced us 

kicking and screaming into this existence.

That every day is a struggle to breathe.
I stare at your body posture

Your hands are wrapped so tightly around the mug that it might break. 

You are a cold engineer fixing capitalism now

Making small talk about the bourgeoisie.

My name isn’t Karen darling. 

My name isn’t Karen darling.
The rose petals make a beautiful canvas 

of broken promises and sweet nothings you made to me. 

I am bent over cigarette ashes 

My high heels have rubbed into mosaic.
I look down the moonlit street.

The wind blows creating a secondhand made symphony. 

It is bittersweet music to my ears 

And as the wind picks up and the rain makes a soft

1,2,1,2,1,2,3.
I laugh hysterically because you promised me a dance in the rain,

But instead we ended up in Minneapolis traffic high. 

My throat burnt with the temporary happiness and nostalgia. 

Even now outside on the steps I felt that same familiar burning come back.
The thunder makes a deep yell across the 2:45 a.m. Mural of green and grey

I softly whisper back to it, “Fuck you Karen.” 

It picks up faster and faster 

The scattered rose petal promises blow away. 
The thunder crescendos to a mezzo forte 

And my desperation to be free intensifies.

Until finally I cut the strings holding my thought process 

In this weeping willow.

I know you, but that’s because we are both walking art.

I know you, but that’s because we are both walking art.

And one day he will lose control and he will use your body as a punching bag.
You are going to look like a Jackson pollock piece.
When people ask you’ll lie to yourself and say it was your fault,
It was your fault you dressed in such a way that other men looked at you,
That you provoked his jealous tendencies.

And one day your eyes will clear up and you will see him for what he really is,
But then he’ll say,”Hello.”
And you will try your hardest to be strong, but that red notification is so irritating.
Your knees will lock and you will fall.

And one day becomes today, but
It’s too late because you opened up your innermost thoughts to him.
He knows how to pull your strings just right.
It must be getting dark sitting in his closet with all his other skeletons
Like some discarded piece of paper mache.

Shattered (poem by me)

(The formatting always gets fucked up and I’m too lazy to fix it.) 
Shattered

You told me jokingly that I am a glass half empty type of girl 
That you were a glass half full type of gentleman 

The significance of this did not make much sense at the time 

I looked both ways

I left the gun carefully kept away 

I gaged the amount of alcohol in my bloodstream 

The glass was more than half empty it was definitely half full 
You wandered aimlessly between cars 

Anything you could get with the money from your crappy 9 to 5 job you took 

Glass jagged it imprinted all the lies you told yourself into your skin 

A good friend once told me that it doesn’t matter 

The glass is always full half of air and half of water 

Neither of our cups were empty 

Either way the glass sits right there for everyone to see
You carried your glass in front of you faking fulfillment 

I like so many other people didn’t see the small chip in your cup 

Until all the water was dripping out of it onto your clothes and into the ground

Escape from the system 

The keys were left carelessly in the ignition 

How could you have been so forgetful

I crept through the bushes and got in the truck no stick shift this time

Suddenly the curtains flew open…had you seen me? 
Ignition, keys in. 

Sober this time conscious of our decision 
Down the street my buddy hops in passenger seat 

Eagerly we set down the freeway 

And a single state trooper spots us 

Taking off at 100 miles per hour 

Hoodie up obscuring my face 
Initially this seemed like a good idea 

Sirens blare in the background 

Now the cop cars multiply 

“Tell me now if you want to get out of this or put your seatbelt on if you want to stay.” 

Inside the truck a single click 

Thousands of cars clear the way for the maniac 
Ominous deafening silence 

Roadside kill 
Still I have an idea 

Or I hope I do 

Miles pass by 

Every couple seconds another cop joins

Train, a single narrow continuity 

How even then the math and the angles I needed to contemplate 

In order to get around the train and leave the state trooper in the dust 

Not a good idea 

Gage the distance between us 
Lines of cop cars a funeral procession 

Instantaneously, a spike strip 

Kindred looks at me 

Even then hope remanant in his eyes 
It spread across the windshield like a spider web 

Time stopped 

My next project is this play here’s a start let me know what you guys think :)

IN LOVING MEMORY

A romantic comedy
Littlemissinvisble (that prime replacement of my actual name though).

Elanora- Was a nurse during the Vietnam war and now takes care of her grandchildren while her daughter is busy putting in hours.
Sophie- an elementary schooler who is very idealistic and happens to be eight years old.
Zach- A middle schooler who finds war stuff very interesting like any boy. He is twelve years old and figuring out life for himself.
Lisa- Zach and Sophie’s mom. She loves her children very much, but is very busy as she just got a promotion and is a nurse at a hospital.
Hank- a Vietnam war veteran with a good sense of humor.

Act I

Scene i

A bedroom. Nighttime. Two twin size beds.
Elanora is with her two grandchildren Sophie and Zach.

ELANORA: He was handsome and brave. A true family man.
SOPHIE: Grandma, when did you and grandpa meet?
ELANORA: A long time ago I was a nurse and he was a soldier.
SOPHIE: Wow! Did you see people’s heads explode in Vietnam?
ELANORA: No haha that didn’t happen..but Soph you’re too young to be talking about this.
SOPHIE: My brother Zach says that there were lots of cool explosions and stuff and that if I’m not careful and don’t listen to what he says I could get blown to pieces.
ZACH: Yeah there were also lots of bombings and people lighting themselves up like matches!
ELANORA: Oh my. Let me tell you how it really happened. (Tucks Sophie into bed)
SOPHIE:   Yay.
ELANORA: But you have to be extra quiet and pay attention ok?
ZACH: I’ll pay the most attention.
ELANORA: I was a nurse and there were several young men usually nineteen year olds being drafted into the war effort. One stood out to me he had the most beautiful blue eyes and a captivating smile.
ZACH: This is lame and mushy where’s the good stuff?
SOPHIE: I think it’s romantic.
ELANORA: Hush both of you. It all started when the president told the American people that the north Vietnamese had purposely fired at an American ship at the gulf of Tonkin.
ZACH: I heard that was a lie.
ELANORA: All these men would come to the medical centers with just horrifying wounds from combat, but it was so rewarding to know that I was helping in some way. And besides it was way more interesting than staying at home.
ZACH: Did you ever save somebody’s life?
ELANORA: Yes, I did but it wasn’t like today Zach our resources were so different back then. Want to hear a really cool story?
ZACH: Yes, let’s get to the good stuff.
ELANORA: I remember there was once this man probably in his early twenties or something. He got shot through the cheek he was pouring water through the hole in his cheek (mocks man tilting head) and he kept saying look at what I can do.
ZACH: That’s so cool I want to have a hole in my cheek so I can pour water through it
SOPHIE: No, Zach that’s so gross. How could you eat wouldn’t it just fall out of your cheek?
ZACH: I didn’t think of that.
SOPHIE: Grams are you ever going to love again now that gramps is gone?
ZACH: No way she’s too old.

Scene ii

Doorway to Elanora’s home.

LISA: I hope Sophie was well behaved for you mom.
ELANORA: Oh Sophie is always a joy, but Lisa I really think it’s necessary for you to be around both of them more Zach and Soph.
LISA: I know. I know don’t hassle me I have just been super busy what with this new job promotion and learning everything at the hospital. (Runs hands through hair)
SOPHIE: Grandma told me that in Vietnam people’s heads exploded! And that there was this guy who had a hole in his cheek!
ELANORA: Soph, come on work with me here.
LISA: Mom that’s totally inappropriate.
ZACH: Mom it was the coolest ever and I totally want a hole in my cheek.
LISA: (Looks disappointed towards Elanora) Mother!
ELANORA: Hey I cautioned them and besides it was just a bedtime story!
LISA: Well mom it was good seeing you c’mon Soph, Zach attack. Thank you so much mom.
ELANORA: Anytime love.

Scene iii

The Vietnam veterans memorial. Washington D.C. Elanoara and Zach/Sophie are touring. There are a few visitors and one of them an older gentleman stands out.

ZACH: Wow grams those are a lot of names.
ELANORA: You bet.
SOPHIE: Grams are all these people dead?
ELANORA: Most, yes but some were missing in action.
SOPHIE: What does that mean?
Enter Hank who had been standing nearby.
HANK: It means they went missing during combat and were never found. Some of them are even classified as K.I.A. Or killed in action.
ZACH: Wow, they must’ve gotten blown up that’s so cool!
HANK: Not quite, but it’s a possibility.
ELANORA: (Sarcastically) Oh don’t encourage them.
HANK: I’m so sorry. I’m just very well read on the subject I served with my brother.
ELANORA: No no I really must thank you, I’ve never taken the time to come to the memorial, but after my bedtime story last night Soph and Zach insisted we had to come.
HANK: And I on the other hand visit way too often. I guess you could call me an expert on the memorial. My names Hank it’s nice to meet you all.
ZACH: Yeah it’s nice to meet you too (fist bumps)
SOPHIE: Wow look you can see your reflection in it. (Sticks out tongue)
HANK: Yeah it’s a link between the present and past by letting you see yourself reflected over their names.
ELANORA: That’s so profound.
ZACH: I’m hungry.
SOPHIE: (whiny) Can you stop whining about your stomach for a second? Hank was talking.
HANK: Oh little darlin’ it’s ok don’t you worry about it.
ELANORA: Hank I’m so sorry about Zach’s manners you really must forgive him. Puberty am I right?
ZACH: What’s that?
HANK: That’s quite alright I didn’t mean to interrupt your tour of the memorial miss I just couldn’t help myself. Your grandchildren are just darling and you all seemed a wee bit lost anyways.
ELANORA: Ok ok everybody calm down let’s go and enjoy our lunch and then come back and look at other stuff.
SOPHIE: Did you bring the cookies grams?
ELANORA: Of course sweetheart what kind of grandmother would I be if I didn’t bring chocolate chip cookies for my favorite granddaughter.
ZACH: hurry up you guys.
SOPHIE: Can Hank come too–
ELANORA: –Sweetheart don’t hustle him I’m sure he has other things to attend to.
HANK: Actually I would love to miss if that’s alright with you?
ELANORA: Oh that would be lovely if you’re sure you can spare the time.
HANK: For a lovely lady such as yourself it’d be my pleasure to.

Scene iv

Sitting at a picnic table. Secluded.

HANK: I remember being nervous about leaving my wife Jane behind because we had recently found out she was pregnant with our baby.
ELANORA: My goodness that must have been very nerve wracking for you. At least you got to return home to your sweetheart.
SOPHIE: That’s so romantic grams.
HANK: Actually, my wife died giving child birth I found out months after. The letter took a long time to get to my platoon.
ELANORA: (Places hand over Hank’s) I’m so sorry for your loss.
HANK: It’s alright I can’t stay miserable forever besides that was decades ago.
ZACH: Yeah, you’re like ancient.
SOPHIE: That’s so rude Zachary James.
HANK: It’s alright Soph I mean have you seen my face. It’s so wrinkled it looks like I’m melting.
SOPHIE: (giggles) You’re so silly. Can you tell us more about your story?
HANK: I remember it like it was yesterday. When I first arrived at the base I heard something moving about and I ran into the bushes screaming when a wee pig ran out after me all the men in my platoon laughed hysterically.
ELANORA: That is pretty funny.
ZACH: I wouldn’t of screamed.
SOPHIE: Would too heck you’re scared of spiders.
ZACH: Only the big ones.
ELANORA: (Looks at wristwatch) Oh you guys we had better get going. Hank it was really lovely talking to you. If you ever want to drop by I would happily listen to more stories.
HANK: Will do Ms. um–
ELANORA: –Oh it’s Elanora, but my close friends call me Nora.
HANK: Alright Nora. I’ll see you all around.

Scene v

Patio. Nighttime. Lemonade pitcher on a table. Elanora and Hank sit on a porch swing.

HANK: I think it’s so admirable that you take such good care of them Nora.
ELANORA: Their mom means well, but she just can’t be around lately. Besides I really don’t mind telling a quick story and putting them to bed.
HANK: Still Nora–
ELANORA: I know Hank, but that’s just how it has to be right now. (Places hand over)
HANK: (Sighs) Do you ever think how things could have been if x,y, or even z hadn’t happened?
ELANORA: All the time, but the way I look at it (sighs heavily) well it’s all got to happen for a reason. The people we lose and the people who stick around. It’s all some sort of grand plan.
HANK: There is just so much lost potential Nora. My son and I were never close because I blamed him for what happened to his mother for so long. I was so bitter for such a long time that I didn’t see what was in front of me. Now you’re in front of me and I–
ELANORA: Hank I–
HANK: Nora, I don’t want to lose you or this moment. (Leans in and kisses Nora)
ELANORA: Hank, this is insane we’re way past our prime we couldn’t possibly. I love him, I know he’s gone but–
HANK: This is difficult for me too, but with you everything just makes sense.

Invisible

When you look at me

the girl you loved

the girl you left

do you even seen me at all

invisible

walking alongside

living breathing souls

empty

emotionless effortless

success is of no interest

too intimate

I fall apart

broken souls

you understood

uncomfortable

too far from the start

You have to get drunk to love me. 

Cigarette lovers 

Breathe in toxins 

each other 

Methanol 

Turkish royals  
Beer bottles  

Captain Morgan shots 

Cold, sober for just a second 

Intoxicated, blurry hands

Don’t stand so close to me 
Sometimes it’s so easy 

He has to get drunk to love me

Has to get high to sleep 

Has to smoke to be in the same room

There’s more I need 

Still I keep coming back to you 

Wouldn’t you think it’s amazing 

Isn’t it so damn amazing 
I wish I could do this everyday

You whispered 

I love it when you smile 

You stroked my hair 

I love you 

You said again and again 

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