It's a bubbly life ^~^



Hi there.

As depressing as it is I never saw myself living past 12th grade in the past. I was too depressed and had too much suicidal ideation. Which carried again into this year. This year has been a cluster fuck, but It’s february it’s the second half of my last year of high school. I developed cyclic vomiting syndrome from bottling things up too much. It started probably in August and got worse in September after my brother killed himself.

Things have been better though. It’s been ok. In june I have plans to move into an apartment with my boyfriend which is insane. Looking back I mean I’ve come so far i’ve been clean from self harm for several months and I feel good about it.

Here’s a chill vibes list of songs I made up because I wanted to? I don’t know man.

  • Island in the sun- Weezer
  • Harlem- New politics
  • Wish you were here- Pink Floyd
  • straightjacket-mac miller (i think don’t quote me)

My manager gave me a raise because she’s afraid that I’m going to quit. I think that’s hilarious to be completely honest. I’m not that valuable of an employee and am rather lazy, but I guess you do you boo. I am alive. As suspicious as it is that I disappear for several months at a time it’s all good.



Here’s the thing

I feel more and more alone than ever before in my short 16 years of this dreaded life. Basically my only friend who I felt comfortable talking to about my personal issues and all of that jazz is leaving. So that’s a thing. I feel awful for loathing him a little bit for leaving me behind in  my desolate suburban boring life. I like having a friend to just talk to about all my problems and stuff because I can’t talk to a counselor or anything like that. For me personally it’s just associated with bad memories. A sort of reaction to me trying to end my own life rather than a cautionary action when it was clear I was not mentally or emotionally  doing well.

It’s difficult, but it’s not like I want to die or anything like that just a little bit down I guess and totally, utterly, completely lonely as all hell man. Vitamin water is kind of gross and you think it’d be good but it’s not that good little did you know. Random thought. My brain is a mess rn if I am being honest. I have rampant thoughts running all through my mind right now. I’m just trying to get everything back together and get my grades back up there again.

I’m trying to keep writing my story, but the characters are at a standstill right now I have the resolution and everything in my head . It’s just realistically making the main character come to this resolution at this point. I have to keep bringing my creative writing teacher the pages. That’s all he ever seems to say, “Bring me pages.”

He intimidates me just a little bit, he expects things from me when I am nothing special I don’t have a gift for dialogue. I just have a way of my characters projecting every single little thing that I wanted to say in my life, but never did because I’m not good at talking. I can write out what I want to say with ease, but actually talking. That’s extremely difficult.

I feel like I missed the lecture where we all learned how to make new friends and all that jazz with ease. One thing it’s not like I have zero friends so you know don’t be thinking oh my lawd this girl is a loser. Even though I would agree with that statement. Loser ln. loserville population me and some of the people I’ve dated. Oops.

Feels bad man. Excuse me while I go figure out this whole life thing.



I will miss him a boat ton

One of my friends is leaving for the navy tomorrow and I messed up you guys. I didn’t get to see him one last time, I even got him a card and everything. This is the same guy who cheated on me a year ago when I was in tenth grade. Here’s the thing though I learned something really important and that is that people do change for the better he is living, breathing proof that it can happen.

A year ago he hurt me badly. We were dating, but not really because his alcohol and cigarettes were more important to him than me which really hurt me. He also had been seeing his ex again behind my back and cheating on me with her. When I found out it burnt really bad but I forgave him. Then he did it again.

He wasn’t that great of a person at that time. He was going through a lot of stuff and so was I. It was the cliche case of right person wrong time rather than right place wrong time. This year I recently started talking to him again and apologized for being an emo dipshit when he dated me lol. He too apologized to me sincerely a matter of days ago. It was real. He’s quit smoking and drinking all together. He’s really sobered up.

If he can turn his life around then it feels like I can too. I can also learn from all of this and kick addiction right in the balls. It’s going to be ok. Everything will get better and he just reassured me that it would, that it will only keep getting better. It’s only up from here. I really am going to miss him so much though.




Have you ever had one of those oh shit moments?

Well I just did. I forgot that today was the presidents test so I had to wing it, it was so bad I knew like 10 by heart and their correct dates of service. I don’t know maybe it’s that I didn’t care enough, or maybe it’s that I just forgot, or maybe it’s even that I was just too lazy. I’m not doing so hot in school anymore. Not that I was before I’m not like some crazy smart 4.0 kid. I’ve never really cared about grades that much, but I do need to pass. That’s a thing. I’ll just have to totally add the next test and be like an all star kid.

My priorities haven’t exactly been top notch lately. I haven’t exactly been top notch lately. I feel like I’ve fallen into a realization that all these kids who parents don’t want their children to be associated with, I’m now one of them. I do stupid shit I shouldn’t do, I’m failing classes, I’m addicted to coping mechanisms that overall aren’t that bad, but I guess could be physically damaging to me. They also drive people away, not everybody is down with smoking and that sort of thing.

I lost my best friend over it, but the worst part is I’m so in love with the feeling cigarettes give me that I don’t feel down about losing him. I mean here’s the thing, smoking does not make me a different person it’s not like all the sudden I changed into a total dick because I started smoking cigarettes. That wouldn’t make very much sense. Yet he said to find someone stronger who could put up with me. I don’t think anybody will ever want to put up with the emotional mess that is me. Hence why I keep to myself and am not as open emotionally in a relationship now. Emotions only give those around you the opportunity to hurt you, as morbid and cynical as that is it’s how I feel about the whole episode that was that.

Overall i’m feeling a lot more positive about things going on.  I’m coping, living life I guess. Smoking again, but s’all good we wildin’ out.

I’m so dumb oml 

So I’ve been hanging out with an older gentleman every weekend who treats me like a princess. Getting all these new experiences I’ve filtered into my short story I’m writing. I won’t lie and say it’s innocent no sexual stuff happening at all. In fact we met cause of sexual interests in a way if I think about it. 

Anyways, Friday night I had my very first alcoholic shot ever. Well I was embarrassed that it was my first so I waited till he left the room to take the shot and that shit burnt like a motherfucker OMG WHYYYY!!! I’m literally retarded and didn’t think like it’s a shot you’re supposed to wash it down with something else after maybe? Duh! Anyways, once I got the hang of it I took like 4 more and like we were cheering eachother on like woo let’s get rekttttt yussssss!!! Soon enough we were spooning and I was like Idek what’s happening man but like I’m so happy rn ahhhhh!!!! (My brain on alcohol lmao) 

Then being the dumbass that I am, I said I love you. It’s not that I didn’t mean it, it just came out sooner than I wanted it to. Also I didn’t want to because our whole relationship is illegal because he is over 18. God that just pisses me off, I do understand why the laws in place but ughhhhhh!!!! I can’t wait till I turn 18 you guys! Then I can smoke, I can enlist (ahaha yeah no not happening) all this other stuff. What really freaked me out was that he whispered it right back and then brought it up the next day when we weren’t drunk. What a time to be alive you guys, what a time! 

-littlemissinvisible aka affectionate drunk 

And it keeps cursing my name 

Talking to new people can be interesting. I was talking to this guy he said he’d get me Turkish royal cigarettes because he doesn’t like when I don’t have what I need. I said no cause I didn’t want to get him in trouble. Then this guy got mad at me and told me I was ungrateful and that he’s disappointed I won’t let him do things for me. I tried to see it he wanted to go to a movie and volunteered to pay for the tickets and for dinner. He said no because it would make him less of a gentleman if he did that. What is up with you guys and your pride? Like Jesus Christ let me be nice it’s my invitation and shouldn’t the one who invites be the one who pays!? Idk lmao you guys let me know what you think regarding that issue. 

Also on another note one of my friends is leaving for th navy I’m trying to give him a going away present if you know what I mean. We’ll see how that one goes through. The closet hoe has come out to play. 

Work is all time consuming but I really like it a lot more than my last job I guess. 

The negativity in this world is real 

WHY do we as human beings feel the need to hate or dislike people when we do not know what they’re going through? I understand hatred for someone who 100% wronged you. 

However, these people who are quiet and antisocial because they’re in so much pain. That’s not their fault, we’re all working through our own problems..wondering “what is wrong with me?” When in reality nothing is, yes we aren’t perfect. However, that doesn’t mean we’re awful for not being “perfect”

Perfection can’t ever be achieved, we’ll always feel like we’re not as good as someone comparing ourselves to someone. Someone who’s smarter, prettier, more sociable, active, fit. We’re never content with ourselves because we are given so many expectations to live up to. Maybe it’s your family, friends, or even your significant other that makes you feel not good enough. There’s always someone and the thing is it’s usually yourself. Not that expectations are always a negative thing but there’s an extent to everything. 

You just have to find that balance of contentment. Good luck out there. 

idk man

“Because my past is like a nightmare that I cannot escape”-safetysuit

It’s weird because the thing is on one hand I’m hopelessly obsessive with cute romantic gestures and on the other I’m like come at me fam wreck me up lmao. How weird is that? In all honesty I get happy when I’m single sometimes because I can wild out if you know what I mean. I can be a hoe, oh wait I’m a hoe all the time regardless the only difference is that when I’m in a relationship I am a loyal one if that makes sense. There’s been so many things I regret doing. If you’re uncomfortable with explicit stuff and idiocy in general I suggest you stop reading right now.

I suggest you checketh thyself before thy wrecketh thyself. 

List of stupid shit I regret doing and also disappointments in my life:

-giving one of my boyfriends a blowjob in a movie theater

-deepthroating the same dude, you guys if you’re uncomfortable and the guy has a jungle down there don’t be afraid to be like hell no. In my defense he used my fetishes against me and made me do a lot of stuff I was uncomfortable with because he was a horny asshole all the fucking time. So glad that ones over man.

-not buying stuff

-buying stuff ( this list just is a mess now, ah well)

-not saying my phone number was 1-800 go fuck yourself

-that I’m so quiet, I need to work on that. I’ve gotten somewhat better.

-that one of my exes is leaving for the navy February 16th and shipping out and he’s low key trying to suggest that he regrets that we have not fucked.

-all the fuckbois I’ve added on my snapchat (thank god there is a block button)

– that I don’t live in canada( long story)

-being such a bitch when I was younger

-still being a bitch on occasion but I’m done being walked all over soooo…

(to be continued in near future I suspect)




1-800 Go fuck yourself 

Today at school I was sitting alone reading my book because to be 💯 with you guys I haven’t got anybody to sit with sometimes. Anyways, reading and listening to safetysuit minding my own business when out of nowhere this kid walks over and says, “Can I sit here?” And I said,”Free country.” 

Then he leans over and is like, “Can I get your number?” And then I noticed this group of boys laughing and pointing a phone at me. They were recording the whole thing. I looked at him and said nope then he persisted and said what about your snapchat? And again I said nope. Eventually they all fucked off because I was giving no emotional reaction nor did I show humiliation. 

Then this random guy no idea who he is walks over, “Wow that was pretty fucked up.” Conversation continues. He checked to make sure I was alright which was pretty cool. I just wish I would’ve had the guts to say sure you can have my number it’s 1-800 Go fuck yourself. 

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑