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littlemissinvisble

It's a bubbly life ^~^

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TYPICAL

I’m so dumb oml 

So I’ve been hanging out with an older gentleman every weekend who treats me like a princess. Getting all these new experiences I’ve filtered into my short story I’m writing. I won’t lie and say it’s innocent no sexual stuff happening at all. In fact we met cause of sexual interests in a way if I think about it. 

Anyways, Friday night I had my very first alcoholic shot ever. Well I was embarrassed that it was my first so I waited till he left the room to take the shot and that shit burnt like a motherfucker OMG WHYYYY!!! I’m literally retarded and didn’t think like it’s a shot you’re supposed to wash it down with something else after maybe? Duh! Anyways, once I got the hang of it I took like 4 more and like we were cheering eachother on like woo let’s get rekttttt yussssss!!! Soon enough we were spooning and I was like Idek what’s happening man but like I’m so happy rn ahhhhh!!!! (My brain on alcohol lmao) 

Then being the dumbass that I am, I said I love you. It’s not that I didn’t mean it, it just came out sooner than I wanted it to. Also I didn’t want to because our whole relationship is illegal because he is over 18. God that just pisses me off, I do understand why the laws in place but ughhhhhh!!!! I can’t wait till I turn 18 you guys! Then I can smoke, I can enlist (ahaha yeah no not happening) all this other stuff. What really freaked me out was that he whispered it right back and then brought it up the next day when we weren’t drunk. What a time to be alive you guys, what a time! 

-littlemissinvisible aka affectionate drunk 

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The negativity in this world is real 

WHY do we as human beings feel the need to hate or dislike people when we do not know what they’re going through? I understand hatred for someone who 100% wronged you. 

However, these people who are quiet and antisocial because they’re in so much pain. That’s not their fault, we’re all working through our own problems..wondering “what is wrong with me?” When in reality nothing is, yes we aren’t perfect. However, that doesn’t mean we’re awful for not being “perfect”

Perfection can’t ever be achieved, we’ll always feel like we’re not as good as someone comparing ourselves to someone. Someone who’s smarter, prettier, more sociable, active, fit. We’re never content with ourselves because we are given so many expectations to live up to. Maybe it’s your family, friends, or even your significant other that makes you feel not good enough. There’s always someone and the thing is it’s usually yourself. Not that expectations are always a negative thing but there’s an extent to everything. 

You just have to find that balance of contentment. Good luck out there. 

1-800 Go fuck yourself 

Today at school I was sitting alone reading my book because to be 💯 with you guys I haven’t got anybody to sit with sometimes. Anyways, reading and listening to safetysuit minding my own business when out of nowhere this kid walks over and says, “Can I sit here?” And I said,”Free country.” 

Then he leans over and is like, “Can I get your number?” And then I noticed this group of boys laughing and pointing a phone at me. They were recording the whole thing. I looked at him and said nope then he persisted and said what about your snapchat? And again I said nope. Eventually they all fucked off because I was giving no emotional reaction nor did I show humiliation. 

Then this random guy no idea who he is walks over, “Wow that was pretty fucked up.” Conversation continues. He checked to make sure I was alright which was pretty cool. I just wish I would’ve had the guts to say sure you can have my number it’s 1-800 Go fuck yourself. 

“Trust” 

It amazes me that someone is this obsessive and has no life. That they feel the need to drag drama on for months it’s now January it happened in November chill out man. All I can say is karma is a bitch it must truly suck to stab someone in the back and then get stabbed in the back 🙂 must really blow. 

You spent your time spreading rumors about me being a slut only to get stabbed in the back yourself. No one even believed you in the first place smh. And now I don’t know the exact details but you got hurt. I would’ve normally been sympathetic but not after all that you have done. 

Readers you see the thing is in the end eventually all the shit you do will catch up to you so try to be a decent human being. Although at the same time even if you are a good person bullshit still happens to you so I guess that’s a standstill. All you really have in this world is yourself and your own motivation nobody is going to live your life for you and thus you have to keep moving forward for yourself and carving your own pathway in this messed up miserable world. People are gonna be out to get you and no matter how hard you try not everybody is going to like you but honestly fuck them. Surround yourself with people who are genuine and kind who will be there for you always. If you feel like someone is fake trust your gut instinct it is usually right. 

It’s up to you to change a nasty habit, it’s up to you to sober up, it’s up to you to get the help that you neeed, it’s up to you to just stop and breathe. It’s all you and so in a way you are the real MVP.

Cheers to you 🍻

Idk 

“I can’t wait for you if all you need is time”

Well I did not make the cut for seasonal work at my job and I’m honestly pretty happy about it. It’s a scary place to work crabby old ladies fighting over ornaments and then screaming about their coupons being expired at you like you’re the responsible one. 

Reasons I’m happy I don’t work there anymore: 

-one of my coworkers thinks they have the right to act like manager of the cashiers when she is just a cashier too 

-old people saying they can’t hear me 

-old people whining about expired coupons 

-coupons not applying to stuff and then people screaming at you about it 

-people acting like you’re against them and out to get them bc their coupon doesn’t work 

-creepy older coworker 

Reasons I’m disappointed: 

-Money

-Yeah that’s about it lmao 
Anyways, on the search for another cashier job somewhere else I guess lol 

“Share your story here” 

“Share your story here,” at least that’s what the prompt says everytime I come back to blog. I don’t know what to say or how to communicate all the emotions across sometimes though. 

With him all my feelings easily come across and burst out in colorful clouds of cheesy puke worthy happiness.  He will never be mine because he lives too far from me. We’ve only ever met up once and he’s going through university right now, it’s not like he can afford to come down on his own to see me. I myself am saving up for college so I can’t afford it either. I wish things were easier for us because I know without a shadow of a doubt we would be that one couple that’s been together forever if he lived closer to me.  

“What’s your New Years resolution?” He asked me. “I don’t have any this year,” I whispered back to him. Then he leans in and whispers to me on Skype, “My resolution is to do my very best to come and see you at least once in 2017.” 

Maybe, it’s cheesy. Actually I know that it all is..but it’s like the good cheese the kind you get on top of your subway sandwich that melts into it with the chicken and causes you to drool and be like oh my god heck yes. Or the pineapple and Canadian bacon on top of that perfect pizza. 

“And they will both be very devoted to their home, this is a great combination damn straight we are,” he’s reading our star sign match. Apparently Leo and cancer are a good match I guess! We tend to talk a lot over breaks and just do our studying together. 

If I’m being completely honest earlier we had a quizlet war. You know how you can make quizlet talk? Well I created a study set and made it say a bunch of really messed up things because my sense of humor is so dark and messed up and we were both laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. I think that’s how it should be though shouldn’t it? It’s like this, I feel like I fill up my time with relationships whilst I wait for us to be a thing officially and finally. I am not about to do long distance dating because it’s way too stressful for me. I already have enough bullshit to deal with. How cynical of me. Heh. 

Welp, bye. 

Addictive personality

I used to hurt myself a lot in the form of cutting but I’ve been clean for awhile. I have a very addictive personality which didn’t help so it took me twoish years to get clean from doing that to myself. It always happened after something extremely stressful took place in my life. Family, friends, significant others. Usually one of the three listed was the reason I used to justify hurting myself. I felt like nobody cared about me and then when I realized some people did it was a little too late I was addicted to that coping mechanism which sucked.

Recently I brought up to one of my friends that one of my older senior friends was willing to get me cigarettes as I’m 16 and cannot buy them by myself in the United States of AmeriKKKa. He said that would be a mistake on my part because I have an “addictive personality” meaning that I find things to cope with, usually unhealthy. I would be switching out cutting for cigarettes which might not be the best idea. I want to be loyal and say I won’t smoke that often but I know it’s not true I’ll probably get addicted to that coping mechanism just like with the cutting.

I keep trying to find ways to deal with everything and be in a good mood and be Gucci but it’s pretty fucking difficult sometimes. Which is why I keep turning to these things cigarettes, alcohol, self harm. It’s so stupid but at least I’m honest with myself and know what I’m doing. It’s a problem, I know I have a problem. That’s one step down I guess.

I wanted to tell him I’ll behave and won’t smoke cigarettes but I know I probably will if they’re so easily available and my friends so chill about it all. He has really bad asthma so it means that I wouldnt be able to hang around with him. But here’s the thing he lives in Canada I live in America it’s gonna be awhile.

Welp, bye.

Panic attack No. 546?

“Hurtful words from my enemies of the last 5 years what’s it like to die alone? How does it feel when tears freeze as you cry? The blood in your viens is 20 below!!!”

Last night we were doing stuff and he told me to talk dirty to him, I freaked out because that was always something my ex wanted me to do and when I didn’t he would scream at me. I got extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t tell him no I didn’t explain and so we carried on and finished. When we were done I started crying and then he freaked out, “was that too much? It was too much wasn’t it baby, I’m sorry” and then he started crying because he thought he did something wrong he thought it was all his fault when in reality it was practically all mine.

He wouldn’t stop crying so I started singing to him, “Please forgive me if I seem forward but I’ve never been in front of anything like you it’s the last place I ever thought I’d be when I woke up this morning, and is it true, and that you’re always this breathtaking and you’re smart and you’re willing my god this is killing me.”

“Tell me all the things you’ve never said we can lay here and talk for hours in my bed I don’t have anything to hide, I don’t have anything everything is not for certain. ”

It calmed him down enough where I could explain everything, tell him all about the five months of twisted manipulation I had endured. About how my sexual likes were used against me and how it was always all about him. It was never once about me and when I got down I had something wrong with me and I was “emotionally abusive and messed up” and about everything. He said sorry, he said he should’ve been there when I needed him and that he should’ve tried to console me more when I came crying to him about how all my boyfriend wanted was sexual stuff, how every single fucking time I was with him he made it sexual and how he convinced me into doing so many things I never wanted to do. How he would mess something up really bad then send long rants to make up for his shitty attitude the majority of the time.

I don’t know what else there is, I know there’s so much more but that’s all I have right now.

Welp, bye.

 

insignificance

Sometimes it feels like everything is so insignificant like none of it really matters all that much, that maybe nothing I do really matters. Some people think that’s pretty messed up to think like that, but on the other hand can they really tell me that I’m messed up if they don’t know me? I’m not here to be perfect, I’m here to be real to be genuine. I won’t fake things for anyone I’ll be blunt and prompt. That’s just me though. I think that not everyone likes me but at the same time not everyone matters to me.

I don’t really know what this is about just a rant as per usual I guess. Listening to you only live once by the strokes 10/10 would live once again. There’s this boy who I like and I found out he likes me too so that’s kinda cool I guess 🙂 I don’t know what will come of that but I think if anything we’ll be good friends which is lit. Need some friends in a way. Oh also I met this guy awhile back (different one) I’m gonna call him pear because yeah. Anyways, we’ve been helping each other through our breaks ups and I’m hanging out with him on Sunday I think which should be cool 🙂 he seems genuine and also I don’t know what your guys stance on cigarettes and alcohol is but he’s gonna probably buy some for me cause he’s kinda cool like that. Probably food then a movie. I haven’t seen Dr.strange yet can you guys believe that omg I’m super deprived. I think the stance I’ve taken on cigarettes and alcohol is its not cool all the time but once in awhile why not freeeeeeeeee countryyyyyyyyy ayyyyyy.

Welp, bye 🙂

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