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littlemissinvisble

It's a bubbly life ^~^

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The negativity in this world is real 

WHY do we as human beings feel the need to hate or dislike people when we do not know what they’re going through? I understand hatred for someone who 100% wronged you. 

However, these people who are quiet and antisocial because they’re in so much pain. That’s not their fault, we’re all working through our own problems..wondering “what is wrong with me?” When in reality nothing is, yes we aren’t perfect. However, that doesn’t mean we’re awful for not being “perfect”

Perfection can’t ever be achieved, we’ll always feel like we’re not as good as someone comparing ourselves to someone. Someone who’s smarter, prettier, more sociable, active, fit. We’re never content with ourselves because we are given so many expectations to live up to. Maybe it’s your family, friends, or even your significant other that makes you feel not good enough. There’s always someone and the thing is it’s usually yourself. Not that expectations are always a negative thing but there’s an extent to everything. 

You just have to find that balance of contentment. Good luck out there. 

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“Share your story here” 

“Share your story here,” at least that’s what the prompt says everytime I come back to blog. I don’t know what to say or how to communicate all the emotions across sometimes though. 

With him all my feelings easily come across and burst out in colorful clouds of cheesy puke worthy happiness.  He will never be mine because he lives too far from me. We’ve only ever met up once and he’s going through university right now, it’s not like he can afford to come down on his own to see me. I myself am saving up for college so I can’t afford it either. I wish things were easier for us because I know without a shadow of a doubt we would be that one couple that’s been together forever if he lived closer to me.  

“What’s your New Years resolution?” He asked me. “I don’t have any this year,” I whispered back to him. Then he leans in and whispers to me on Skype, “My resolution is to do my very best to come and see you at least once in 2017.” 

Maybe, it’s cheesy. Actually I know that it all is..but it’s like the good cheese the kind you get on top of your subway sandwich that melts into it with the chicken and causes you to drool and be like oh my god heck yes. Or the pineapple and Canadian bacon on top of that perfect pizza. 

“And they will both be very devoted to their home, this is a great combination damn straight we are,” he’s reading our star sign match. Apparently Leo and cancer are a good match I guess! We tend to talk a lot over breaks and just do our studying together. 

If I’m being completely honest earlier we had a quizlet war. You know how you can make quizlet talk? Well I created a study set and made it say a bunch of really messed up things because my sense of humor is so dark and messed up and we were both laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. I think that’s how it should be though shouldn’t it? It’s like this, I feel like I fill up my time with relationships whilst I wait for us to be a thing officially and finally. I am not about to do long distance dating because it’s way too stressful for me. I already have enough bullshit to deal with. How cynical of me. Heh. 

Welp, bye. 

Panic attack No. 546?

“Hurtful words from my enemies of the last 5 years what’s it like to die alone? How does it feel when tears freeze as you cry? The blood in your viens is 20 below!!!”

Last night we were doing stuff and he told me to talk dirty to him, I freaked out because that was always something my ex wanted me to do and when I didn’t he would scream at me. I got extremely uncomfortable but I didn’t tell him no I didn’t explain and so we carried on and finished. When we were done I started crying and then he freaked out, “was that too much? It was too much wasn’t it baby, I’m sorry” and then he started crying because he thought he did something wrong he thought it was all his fault when in reality it was practically all mine.

He wouldn’t stop crying so I started singing to him, “Please forgive me if I seem forward but I’ve never been in front of anything like you it’s the last place I ever thought I’d be when I woke up this morning, and is it true, and that you’re always this breathtaking and you’re smart and you’re willing my god this is killing me.”

“Tell me all the things you’ve never said we can lay here and talk for hours in my bed I don’t have anything to hide, I don’t have anything everything is not for certain. ”

It calmed him down enough where I could explain everything, tell him all about the five months of twisted manipulation I had endured. About how my sexual likes were used against me and how it was always all about him. It was never once about me and when I got down I had something wrong with me and I was “emotionally abusive and messed up” and about everything. He said sorry, he said he should’ve been there when I needed him and that he should’ve tried to console me more when I came crying to him about how all my boyfriend wanted was sexual stuff, how every single fucking time I was with him he made it sexual and how he convinced me into doing so many things I never wanted to do. How he would mess something up really bad then send long rants to make up for his shitty attitude the majority of the time.

I don’t know what else there is, I know there’s so much more but that’s all I have right now.

Welp, bye.

 

Idk if anyone will care to read this… 

You know that post I made about meeting my very best friend…I love him. Strawberry has known me for 1 year and 2 months…and I have known him just as long. 

I have been shutting my feelings inside of me so that I didn’t have to feel anything. Want to know why?…well I’m gonna tell you anyways. So in June strawberry met a girl near where he lives (we were long distance) he thought he was in love and at the time I was a petty brat who took things out on him… So naturally he went with the girl. I wasn’t mad just sad…but if it meant his happiness I didn’t care. I wasn’t mad at him for going with her and being in a relationship that made him happy. His happiness was all I wanted. 

I kept things inside and eventually got so good at forgetting the emotions I forgot I was in love with him. I got “crushes” on a few people including watermelon as you’ve all read in the recent posts which I’ve deleted cause they were all lies I was telling myself. 

Anyways…I met strawberry on Sunday for the first time…I felt huge sparks and he was so clingy and hugged me a lot but I didn’t mind whatsoever. He even squished my cheeks. He kissed me on the forehead. I found myself unable to turn down these gestures. I found myself overheating…I accepted everything…and Monday he went home…he was texting me..he said he felt sparks too. He said he wished he had kissed me on the lips. 

Today we talked and well…his gf doesn’t have the level of understanding he has with me. I know about his dark past…and he knows mine. We are always there for eachother. 

I don’t know what the future holds for us…but I hope it is pleasant. 

Bye bye thanks for reading love you all 🙂 

shopping woes 

Idk if this happens to anyone else but do you ever go to a store and it’s like I should buy this I can afford it I should totally get this haha jk *leaves store go’s home* why didn’t I get that!? 

Or like you see something super cute and you’re a dollar short? 

Like honestly *rolls eyes*

Or you buy something you think is awesome then you realize it’s stupid After you’ve bought it and gone home? 

Idk lol maybe it’s just me who does this nonsense cause I’m weird :p 

Love you all 

Bye bye 🙂 

A post for every single one of you amazing people :)

hey guys, so I haven’t been blogging heck I haven’t even looked at other peoples blogs or logged on for like a week now mainly because I have been very busy bluh anyways I finally got back on today and I saw quite a few posts from various people about terrible things that have been happening like really upsetting things and I don’t know if any of you will even glance at this but if you do I just wanted to say:

you are amazing

you are funny

you might be going through something really rough right now but I believe you are a strong person and you can make it through because you shouldn’t let this one point in your life be the end someday you’ll look back at this and guess what it probably won’t even matter 🙂

you are a beautiful individual or if you’re a guy you are a handsome individual

you have an amazing personality

you are perfect just the way you are please don’t try to change who you are because there will never be another you 🙂

you are kind

you are sweet

you are wonderful

there are so many nice things I could say about all of you but I can’t type out every little thing that would take such a long time!!! I just want you to know that you are amazingables cause that’s totally a word 😉

love you all to bits 🙂 and I wish I could fix all your problems for all of you amazing people but I can’t *sigh* what I do know is that it’s really never about the destination it’s about the journey it’s about going through all of this stuff to get to where we want to be as people it’s hard it’s really hard but you’ve just go to do it 🙂

somedays it’s kinda just like: funny-lazy-girl-laying-ground

but that’s ok..it is ok to be sad don’t feel like it means your a terrible person because you’re not…I have suffered from depression in the past and it kinda sucks some days you just wanna stay in bed all day and never get up. It’s not like I know everything… I don’t think anybody does but what I do know is that all of you are amazing and if you’re feeling sad I am always here to listen because you are all very special to me!!! 🙂

So with that I am going to end this post I love you all 🙂

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